Credit Lunch

Expense skull-duggery is the new swine flu (remember that?)  I did see 2 Japanese girls wandering round Borough Market wearing face masks on Friday.  Although this could perhaps be explained by Asian bird flu. Or SARS. Or Ebola. Or child obesity. Or foot and mouth.  Or global warming in the form of flash flooding. Or drought. Or amphibian precipitation. Or infanticide. Or polar bears looking a bit sad on marginally smaller ice bergs. It’s possible I suppose that  they were in fact not terrified of media/apostle invented catastrophe,  but were Japanese roofers on the hunt for a chorizo roll and a pear cider between insulating cavities. Who the hell knows.

Any hoo, those MP’s are scamps aren’t they?

It’s a perfect storm. Recession, highest unemployment for decades, terrorism, pandemics, global warming and a total duffer of a Prime Minister has combined with parliamentary capriciousness and a soupcon of investigative journalism to create a stinking miasma of fury and frustration. On the plus side, Question Time has been absolutely brilliant recently. Dimbleby for Speaker, I say. Poor Maggie Beckett was just all over the shop, it was like Christians being thrown to the lions, except the Christians all had fourteen Bang and Olufsen TV’S in six houses and the lions were poor, angry, slightly unwashed looking people from some awful northern enclave like Hull, Scunthorpe or Watford.

I would give them £150,000 per year and no expenses and tell them to get on with it. And I don’t care if you are the Right Honourable Member for northern chippiness and lard accrual. When you have to come to the House of Commons, stay in a hotel and pay for it out of your handsome salary. It will all work out in the end because London MP’s have to spend more money because London is very expensive and Thurso isn’t.

London is expensive. Unless you eat at my new pet restaurant. My new favourite place. You might have me down as a middle class white boy who lives in Putney, works in Notting Hill, goes shopping in Borough Market and enjoys the afternoon play on Radio 4. And you’d be right. However, my new pet restaurant, about which I am about to lyrically wax, is in Tooting. Not only that, it is quite close to Colliers Wood.

I had the best curry I have ever had at the Lahore Karahi on Tooting High Street- It looks rubbish- really rubbish, like if Miss Millie’s Chicken opened a curry house. But bejesus it’s good. It is so, so good it makes me happy in ways usually associated with guilt, sweat and hedonism. I ate mutton chops and chicken tikka and mushroom rice and lentils and spinach and fried masala fish. Look at the menu on their website- £1.95!! £2.00!! £4.95!! it’s ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous for any food in a restaurant in London. But it is soooooo good too. I am almost angry with them for the ridiculousness of it all. Not half as angry as I am with crap pubs who think it appropriate to charge £14 for a rubbish lamb shank. Lahore Karahi is always full. Everyone is happy- sating and sated. The staff are funny and fast and the football is on the flat-screen in the corner.

It’s really brilliant, it really is. It’s 5 star, top of the class, Britain’s got talent, super dooper, wonderful. Go there and have the Keema Nan- you will never eat better protein stuffed carbohydrate in all your long days.

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